Everything Is Going To Be Okay
At the age of sixteen, I had most of my life figured out. I mean I had everything planned out to the T. From what I was going to do to when it was going to happen, and even how it was going to happen. Crazy, right?! But I didn't think so. I had a vision that I couldn't shake, and I was on a mission to make it happen.
Focus was the name of the game, and I was the number one player. I was so focused that I would skip out on events, hanging out with friends, birthday parties, and even not answer my phone. Anything I felt that would pull me away from what I wanted took the back burner. The twenty-something-year-old me now would say, "You can go to those events, hang out with friends, and still achieve your goals." I guess I didn't understand that I didn't have to overwork myself to be successful. The unfortunate part is that not everyone understood what I was doing, and I lost some connections along the way. It has been a process to unlearn the habit of closing people out so I could stay in and "work." I thought that by me always working I could achieve my goals faster. And For a long time, that's what I believed.
"Working" became my new normal, and I'm not talking about a nine-to-five or even a part-time job, which I occasionally had. I'm talking about the around the clock work that it takes to build and pursue a dream. I was okay with working non-stop on my dreams, especially when I started to see the fruit of my labor. In my mind, I was thinking, "Wow, I finally did it. I finally achieved something." Little did I know that I had ways to go, and it was just the beginning. My plans were working just how I had planned. Until one day, it didn't.
Everything that you had planned can change in a heartbeat. When I stopped seeing the fruit of my labor, I began to question myself and what I was doing. I started to wonder if I was supposed to be doing something different or if I was capable of achieving what I wanted. It scared me, and I began to spiral out of control. Mentally I wasn't okay, depression set in, and anger was growing. Nothing I was doing felt right anymore. I began to hate the very thing that I loved because I could no longer see the success in it. Life happens, and situations change, and that's what I was dealing with, change. At the time, I didn't understand that maybe there's a purpose behind why certain things didn't work out. All that was on my mind was what did I do wrong for my plans to no longer work.
Later I concluded that my problem didn't lie in my work ethics. My problem was that I didn't know how to adjust to my plans changing. I was used to being in control that when things didn't go as planned, I saw it as me failing. There was a lesson for me to learn within my plans changing in a different direction. Which is, no matter what may change, everything is going to be okay. It became evident that the only thing I could control was myself. There's so much power in being in control of yourself from how you respond to situations to how you treat yourself. Self-awareness makes everything outside of yourself very clear. Once I gained that I was able to be okay with my life changing because it taught me something about myself.
A change of plans doesn’t always have to result in something bad. It could lead you to something good. There is a purpose behind every life-changing moment. All we need to do is figure out what that may be. No matter what plans you have set in stone, know that if it changes, everything is going to okay.
Thank you for reading!
Photos by Isaiah John